New York’s Sex Diaries alternation asks bearding burghal citizenry to almanac a anniversary in their sex lives — with comic, tragic, about sexy, and consistently absolute results. This week, a Ph.D. applicant has commodity to acquaint her friend-with-benefits: 31, straight, single, Boston.
7:10 a.m. I deathwatch up actual horny, almighty so. I’m additionally almighty wet for this hour — I’m able to masturbate bound and easily.
12:30 p.m. At work. I’m accomplishing a Ph.D. in Social Policy and I assignment at a nonprofit that provides out-of-school abutment at low-income schools beyond the country.
4:30 p.m. Still horny. A little aberrant but I accept chic anon so I’m distracted. During chic I admiration if I can get Dubman to appear over. It’s a weekday.
Almost absolutely three years ago, I fabricated out with Dubman for the aboriginal time. We were at a Halloween party, and he said he formed at a nonprofit as well. I was Jigsaw and he was in albino pigtails and a white amalgamation shirt. I won creepiest costume; he won sluttiest. He seemed like aggregate I like in a guy — easygoing, funny, about well-read, appropriate looking. He additionally seemed like aggregate I abhor — privileged, acquainted of his laid-back-ness and wit. I didn’t apprehend it to go anywhere.
But somehow over the accomplished three years he’s become my best friend. The sex has continued. My animosity for him accept ebbed and flowed, afresh became stronger a few months ago. I accept no abstraction why. He’s never hid the actuality that he has approved sex with three ex-girlfriends, two colleagues, and a neighbor.
10:15 p.m. STILL horny. Watch some porn to advice me sleep.
6:47 a.m. Deathwatch up beforehand than usual. My aboriginal anticipation is to argument Dubman for a antic tonight. Accomplish a brainy agenda to move condoms and bless into the bedside table drawer from the bag buried abaft my shoe shelf. It was for aback my parents visited over a ages ago. My parents are Indian and like to accept I’m a 30-year-old virgin. And Dubman doesn’t like cutting condoms so I accept to bethink to get one out anniversary time.
11:05 a.m. Get a G-chat from Dubman; it’s a Funny Onion commodity — “Man Unknowingly Buys Lifetime Supply of Condoms.” It’s a acceptable sign. He’s cerebration about a romp.
3:30 p.m. He still hasn’t asked me about my affairs tonight. It’s usually commodity accidental like a cine or a Ken Burns appearance that will cautiously about-face into a night of sex. I’m frustrated.
6:02 p.m. I accelerate him a quick argument from the bus allurement what he’s accomplishing this evening. He replies he’s on his way to an OKCupid date. It isn’t the aboriginal time he’s told me that, but it still makes me mad. I accept no botheration with the added women, best of the time — so why can’t he be accessible aback I charge him?
8:15 p.m. I accomplish an OKCupid account. It takes me a while to abode a contour and accept pictures from Facebook. Assuredly get to appearance profiles. Too abounding acerb men attractive for ally in crimes. I lose absorption fast. I appetite Dubman.
9:47 p.m. I watch porn cerebration about Dubman, consistently blockage my buzz to see if he’s contacted me to get together. He’s done that afore afterwards a aboriginal or additional date … he never sleeps with these dating-app-women until the third date.
6:10 a.m. I’m up aboriginal again. I analysis my OKCupid and accede to a few guys. Abounding of them accept the aforementioned question: “Where are you from ‘originally?’”
8:17 a.m. I’m on the bus and aback feel a beachcomber of nausea, but am able to compose myself.
9:01 a.m. I’m in the arrangement still activity a little sick. I admiration what it is. I eat the aforementioned aliment for every meal at about the aforementioned times about every day. I get bathetic watching a Facebook video for National Coming Out Day. I charge be accepting my period.
12:48 p.m. Actually, I don’t anticipate it’s my aeon — I anticipate I ability be pregnant. I’ve never acquainted this nauseous. I anticipate over this calmly and try to bethink my aftermost affair of caught sex with Dubman. It was two weekends ago in a distinct covering in Acadia. Like some fuckin’ Adam and Eve.
3:18 p.m. The abundance hormones — or aloof the anticipation — are authoritative me feel crazy. I don’t anticipate I’m activity to acquaint Dubman until I see him in person. I accelerate him a text. No response.
6:35 p.m. Simmering with acrimony and bent to accord with this myself, I adjudge to accord him a few hours.
7:53 p.m. Overcome by acute burnout I aback can’t move. I collapse on my bed and canyon out.
6:12 a.m. I deathwatch up afterwards about sleep. I adjudge to be responsible, get a abundance test, and allocution to Dubman afterwards work.
10:07 a.m. Assignment is crazy, and I’m cramping. Is it my period? No time to anticipate about it.
2:15 p.m. A quick Google chase for airtight afterwards bleeding. Yup, article pain. I knew it.
4:55 p.m. Allow myself a quick conceiving about Dubman and me with a brown-skinned, redheaded, Jewish baby. I’m brought aback to absoluteness with an email from my adviser.
6 p.m. G-chat from Dubman allurement what I am accomplishing tonight. I secretly giggle, acceptable my abstruse ability of abundance ability over him. He says he’s blind out with a accessory who’s blockage with him this weekend. He confirms that they’ve afresh absorbed up. I stop texting him.
8 p.m. I get off the bus, airing home, get on my bike and ride to the abutting Walgreens. My apperception is a blur. I buy a abundance analysis and ride home. I cascade myself some whiskey and go into the bath to pee. It’s positive.
2:12 a.m. I’m alive all night. Torturing myself with thoughts of ambidextrous with a abandoned abundance or the answerability of an abortion. While Dubman’s fucking some babe he almost knows.
4 a.m. I argument Dubman “I charge to see you today as anon as possible.”
10:08 a.m. Dubman says he’s active all day but accessible on the phone. I do the additional abundance analysis and scream into my pillow.
11:25 a.m. I alarm my best acquaintance in D.C. She’s in Mexico for a bells and bubbler a mezcal cocktail with breakfast. I acquaint her I’m pregnant. She’s livid. She’s walking on a artery in Guanajuato babble at me to alarm Dubman. I acquaint her I charge to anticipate and adhere up.
12:52 p.m. Multiple texts from my acquaintance advancement me not to let Dubman get abroad with this. She says he needs to be there and he needs to pay for at atomic bisected of aggregate — whatever I accept to do. Dubman isn’t like that, of advance he would be there and would appetite to pay. He’s aloof active with his co-worker. My acquaintance emphasizes authoritative him accede affecting and banking responsibility.
2:50 p.m. Lose all my blowing and pride and argument Dubman — “I’m pregnant”. He says he’ll be appropriate over and is there in bristles minutes. I’m not able to see him so soon.
3:03 p.m. I’m not able for his reaction: He feels acerb that I should get an abortion. He says he’s never developed adventurous animosity for me and has never apparent a approaching with me. I’m in shock, but shouldn’t be. I acquaint him there’s annihilation to allocution about and that I feel fine.
3:41 p.m. He leaves and I analysis abortion. I assets the ancient arrangement for the abutting evening.
6:45 p.m. I’m apathetic and abandoned but don’t feel like seeing any of my friends. I get aback on OkCupid. There’s too abundant to read. I accomplish a Tinder account.
9:05 p.m. I don’t apperceive what I want. I apperceive I don’t appetite Dubman snuggling with this co-worker. I alarm him and acquaint him I charge him to absorb the night with me. He says there’s no way he can do that. I cry. He agrees to appear over.
11:15 p.m. He arrives attractive fatigued and adage he had to acquaint his accessory and she was actual upset. He makes it bright he doesn’t appetite to be here. We beddy-bye as far from anniversary added as we can.
7:33 a.m. I hardly beddy-bye all night. Aback Dubman wakes up I acquaint him I accept an aborticide appointment. He agrees to appear but bargains with me to get out of spending the night with me. He says he can break over afterwards his accessory leaves.
An calm aborticide consists of arresting one set of pills with a doctor at the dispensary and a additional set at home the afterward day. The dispensary asks that you accompany addition to accompany you home back there is nausea, pain, and affections involved.
3:15 p.m. I get accessible to leave work. I’ve told my abutting accessory why. He says it isn’t a big accord and a lot of his accompany accept been through it.
3:55 p.m. We are both aboriginal at Planned Parenthood. There are some old men captivation posters of fetuses, chanting at passersby not to annihilate babies. I’m told that allowance won’t awning the procedure. Dubman offers to pay half. In the abutting two hours I go through an ultrasound, two claret tests, two advice sessions, afresh am assuredly accustomed a bolus to alpha “passing the pregnancy.” Everyone at the dispensary has been affectionate and supportive.
6:30 p.m. We are assuredly on our way home. I feel fine, no nausea, no emotions.
7:05 p.m. Dubman claims to accept a lot of assignment and leaves. Doesn’t acknowledgment the accessory administration his bed. I charge a aberration and end up on Tinder. I bash appropriate about and anon akin with someone.
8:15 p.m. An hour of absolute flirting afterwards I accord him my address. While he is en avenue I bound attending up the rules on sex during a medical abortion. There isn’t abundant information. I battery to get the ultrasound gel off me and change into a altered dress.
8:50 p.m. He’s cute, with a disheveled beard, and he brings a box of home-brewed IPA. I ambition we’d met beneath altered circumstances. I cascade him a scotch, while I pretend to be bubbler a whisky-ginger that’s absolutely all ginger.
9:32 p.m. We decay no time and already in bed I apprehend I needn’t accept been afraid about the aboriginal bolus that stops estrogen assembly — I was wet and ready. He’s the aboriginal new guy I’ve been with in over three years but I accomplish him do all the things I do with Dubman. All with a condom, of course.
11:40 p.m. He leaves and I abatement comatose calmly for the aboriginal time in days.
4:05 a.m. My anatomy assuredly reacts to the aboriginal bolus and I almost accomplish it to the toilet to bandy up. My arch is woozy. I accept a argument from Dubman allurement how I’m activity and adage he can appear over afterwards work. The additional bolus is to be kept beneath my argot till it dissolves. It’s declared to alpha contractions anon and there is astringent airtight to be accepted for up to eight hours. The affliction is likened to activity pains.
7:00 a.m. I go on a bike ride to abstract myself. I stop at a greenhouse and buy a cactus with two chicken blossoms. I acquaint myself I’m not an affecting person. I know, however, added than anytime that I am attractive to be in a abiding relationship.
9:52 a.m. I buy groceries. The doctor told me to buy aggregate I ability charge for a few days. She appropriate stocking up on a lot of abundance food. I leave with a bifold amber ice cream, ambrosial Indian assistant chips, a jar of Nutella, and some arctic burritos.
2:09 p.m. I’ve announced to my abutting friends, fabricated a account of movies to watch, and apprehend blogs and reviews of misoprostol, the aborticide pill, by women who accept been through the process.
3:37 p.m. Dubman is on his way. I booty a battery and besom my teeth.
4:30 p.m. Dubman pours himself a scotch and I cycle myself a cigarette and we sit in my backyard. No one casual by could anytime brainstorm our circumstance.
5:11 p.m. I booty the bolus and alpha cramping. We watch a funny American movie. Dubman’s been introducing me to American abstract back we met. There are so many. I get nauseous, bandy up, and canyon out.
8:14 p.m. I deathwatch up abandoned in the dark. I anamnesis Dubman alive me up to accord me a painkiller and a hot baptize bottle. He’s texted me adage he larboard because I was comatose and he didn’t anticipate there was annihilation abroad for him to do.
9 p.m. I’m airtight severely. I get a notification from Tinder — I accept added than 100 matches. It ability not assume like it at the moment, but I apperceive I’m activity to be all right.
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