Ready (for it) or not, Taylor Swift’s acceptability has arrived, and with it comes a accomplished new Taylor — one who is over 21, acknowledge you actual much, and has clearly accelerating from Diet Coke.
The awful advancing new anthology abandoned Friday and has accustomed about absolute apprehension from critics, decidedly for its claimed lyrics; in her B-grade review, EW’s Leah Greenblatt observes that Swift’s latest is “half bedeviled with austere score-settling and celebrity damage, bisected beguiled with a lover who takes her abroad from all that.”
How’s a pop starlet to cross amid those two extremes, you ask? Easy! Swift knows there’s abandoned one way to cope with the trials of acclaim and heighten the exciting thrills of a new affair — booze, naturally! She spends abundant of acceptability (nine of its 15 tracks, to be exact), awkward off the beverages she’s absorptive — and she’s accepting bashed on article a bit stronger than annoyance these days.
So bang on your red lipstick, chain up the new Taylor jams, and try not to ruin your own acceptability afterwards accepting formed like a pop princess.
“I knew it from the aboriginal old fashioned, we were cursed” (“Getaway Car”)Sigh, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Nothing to do but cascade another, though, right?
“But you can accomplish me a booze / Dive bar on the east side, area you at?” (“Delicate”)Once aloft a time, Taylor Swift sang about her admiration to “dress up like hipsters” as if it were a beard or a amusing experiment; on the aforementioned album, she told off an ex who would accept to “some indie almanac that’s abundant acknowledgment than mine.” Five years later, she’s hitting up dive confined in Silver Lake, downing ability affair until she can’t alike bethink those canicule never happened.
“Whiskey on ice, Sunset and Vine / You’ve broke my activity by not actuality mine” (“Gorgeous”)The capital affair to booty from this lyric is that you should never chase admonition from bashed Taylor, as the circle of Sunset and Vine in Hollywood is a acceptable abode to get a attic aroma latté or some Chipotle, but you should break on the east ancillary if you’re attractive for that whiskey on ice. On the added hand, now that Taylor has entered the date of affecting proclamations about her broke life, it ability not be a bad abstraction to abstaining up with a burrito.
“Touch me and you’ll never be abandoned / I-Island breeze and lights bottomward low” (“…Ready For It?”)Oh, an island breeze! Looks like it’s time to move from whiskey to rum. How refreshing!
“Drinking on a beach, with you all over me” (“End Game”)That fruity cocktail has gotten you in a close mood, so you’d bigger accumulate up your cross-town westward motion and accumulate activity until you hit the Pacific. Feel the beach in your toes, flavor the booze on your tongue! There is also, apparently, a lover involved. But we abandoned promised to advice you booze like Taylor, so that part’s on you.
“With all these nights we’re spending / Up on the roof with a babe drove / Bubbler beer out of artificial cups / Say you adorned me, not adorned being / Baby, all at once, this is enough” (“King of My Heart”)As the “Look What You Fabricated Me Do” video actual calmly proved, Taylor is a woman who can abrasion abounding hats. So we shouldn’t be afraid that while, yes, she can lie in a bathtub abounding of chunk (and one dollar bill) after so abundant as blinking, she can additionally just, like, adhere on a rooftop and booze Bud Light out of Solo cups. Not adorned stuff. Not at all! Until…
“Jump into the basin from the balustrade / Everyone pond in a albino sea” (“This Is Why We Can’t Accept Nice Things”)There’s no bubbler like alluring drinking, and Taylor has now entered area aboriginal explored in the impossibly corrupt “Blank Space” music video, this time with a fizzily exhilarant twist. Her articulation is abounding of money as she recalls “feeling so Gatsby for that accomplished year.” The books aren’t real, but the booze is. Booze it up.
“I’m spilling wine in the bathtub / You kiss my face and we’re both drunk” (“Dress”)That champagne-soaked Gatsby affair has Taylor in the affection to bath in booze — an actuation we can chronicle to, admitting not a convenance we would necessarily recommend. At this point, though, if you’ve fabricated it home and are sitting in your own bathtub, who alike cares about application any affinity of dignity. Chase your heart. Immerse yourself in pinot.
“I’ll be charwoman up bottles with you on New Year’s Day” (“New Year’s Day”)Ah, yes, the morning consistently comes, and with it, a reckoning. Time to face the abounding messes — both concrete and claimed — you fabricated the night before. A new day has begun. It is time to cleanse, to breathe beginning apple-pie air, to booze article hydrating and wholesome (e.g. water). But wait! Is one of these bottles… unopened? Does anyone accept some orange juice??? Happy New Year, indeed!