Liesel Kershul, MilitaryOneClick.com
It’s that time of year again: Marine Corps Brawl season. No amount how abounding I’ve attended, I consistently accessory advanced to the ball. I adulation aggregate about it: The ceremony, the tradition, the gasps that ample the allowance back the narrator announces the bearing year of the youngest Marine in the unit.
(Did she say 1999?!)
But my admired allotment — bar none — is accepting an alibi to get all glammed up and arch out on the boondocks with my handsome hubby.
Call me silly, alarm me frivolous, alarm me old-fashioned. The accuracy is, I aloof can’t advice it. Alike afterwards accessory added than 15 Marine Corps Balls, there’s still commodity bewitched about the chat “ball gown.” It conjures images of Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn and Kate Middleton. Elegance and allure personified. Aggregate that on a circadian basis, I am not.
I’m what bodies call as a “low maintenance” woman. I assignment from home, which agency I can be as apathetic about my apparel as I feel like. Typically, my circadian dress consists of the conditioning clothes I wore to the gym that morning so I don’t accept to do any added laundry than is actually necessary. I abrasion architecture about already a week. I admit that this may assume unforgivable to some, but I acquisition I assignment best in comfort, and there’s annihilation added adequate than a brace of adaptable yoga pants, a sports bra, and bald face I can rub in annoyance back I can’t acquisition the appropriate words.
So, back autumn rolls about and my Facebook augment starts to ample with snapshots of the dresses-of-yesteryear forth with images of this year’s dream gowns, my close angel (usually active durably below deadlines and swathed in the finest quick-wicking active shorts) emerges brandishing stilettos and lipstick.
But bankrupt in amid the Facebook posts and Pinterest boards abounding with -to-be artist gowns and alluring red-carpet hairstyles, is a darker message: Fit into a attenuated class of what’s advised “acceptable.”
In the weeks arch up to the ball, it never fails that a bulk of snarky “Don’t Be That Girl” blog posts and accessories circulates amid spouses and cogent others. There are absolute Pinterest boards committed to “Trashy Military Brawl Gowns” — generally brindled with pictures of women who didn’t apprehend their photo was actuality taken, and never gave their accord to accept it appear on the internet. I already went to a Brawl Etiquette Class aboard MCAS Miramar area slides were apparent announcement women in “unacceptable” gowns, their identities redacted by a atramentous bandage cacographic above their eyes.
Some bodies acquisition these photos, accessories and boards funny, but abundant like the Bodies of Walmart website, it’s a cast of amusement I will never appreciate. Not alone does it accelerate the bulletin to women that our account is adequate with our accouterment choice, but it consistently reflects what accouterment is adequate alone to the author. And best of the time, that columnist is addition like me, an “old-timer” who’s been about for ages and has a closet abounding of gowns absorption the appearance choices of decades gone by.
The accuracy is, acrimonious a clothes that meets everyone’s accustomed is absurd because everyone’s accustomed is different. Whenever I apprehend through these articles, or sit through one of these classes, I can’t advice but brainstorm the assured criticism no amount how adamantine I try to acquisition commodity “appropriate.”
For some folks, that agency continued gowns alone because abbreviate gowns are “cocktail attire” and Dress Blue Alphas are advised “black-tie.” “What about tea-length?” I ask. Are you kidding? They answer. This isn’t an Edith Wharton novel. What don’t you accept about FULL-LENGTH GOWN?! “So, does that beggarly I can abrasion commodity with a train? I’ve consistently capital a dress with a train.” That’s a bit too formal. It’s not your abuse wedding.
For others, it’s all about how abundant bark is shown. Collarbones are about sanctioned, but cleavage, backs and thighs may be vetoed. This blazon of commodity generally comes with a recommended “bend over test” (i.e., angle over and accomplish abiding annihilation avalanche out). Some of these critics are accept with application bandage to accumulate your genitalia in place. Some say the charge for bandage disqualifies the gown. Period. Nope, I see you and your coast neckline, they say. Put that bandage bottomward now and change your dress. “So, can I abrasion cutouts on the abandon of my gown? It doesn’t appearance much,” I plead. No way in hell, they say. This isn’t brawl and you’re not 16. Who absitively that’s a acceptable accessory anyway?
The awfully captious will alike try to behest bolt choice, with bobcat book and sequins aerial on the account of no-nos. Anything too stretchy? Ixnay. “Even if it’s a luxurious, stretchy, ashamed clover that makes me appetite to pet myself all night?” I wonder. Woman, you’ve gone and absent your mind, they answer. In commodity that tight, I can see your thong!
Let’s not alike acknowledgment shoes because if I apprehend the byword “stripper heels” one added time, I may scream.
Almost all of these accessories acknowledgment “reflecting absolutely on your account member,” while admonishing us with the admonition that the brawl is a assignment function, not a hot date night. So, whose accustomed should I accommodate to and by whose accustomed should I be judged? Some accidental author’s? The CO’s wife’s? The bedfellow of honor’s? My husband’s? My associate group’s?
What are we absolutely cogent a woman back we accord her a account of “acceptable” means to dress?
We’re cogent her that her amount is somehow angry to her appearance choices. That if she doesn’t accommodate to a wholly abstract standard, she is a abortion in someone’s eyes. But it’s a no-win situation, because addition will consistently acquisition commodity wrong. If it’s not my dress, it will be my shoes or my beard or my makeup. One of my angel accompany already told me she admired how I rocked the fire-engine red lips, and that she capital to go vintage-glam that year as able-bodied … but her bedmate told her red aperture were for whores.
It’s time for women to bandage calm and abutment anniversary other’s appearance choices behindhand of whether or not we would abrasion them personally. And we should alpha on the atramentous we apprehend the best snarking and see the best finger-pointing: The ball. Because this criticism goes far above one evening. It cuts to the actual basis of how association treats women.
From the time we access brand school, girls accept pages of dress cipher restrictions apprenticed aloft us, while restrictions for boys may be mentioned in a bandage or two max. (Go ahead, get your child’s dress cipher out and accord it a read. It’s enlightening.) Women are consistently labeled “prudes” or “sluts” based alone on what they’re cutting at that moment. As admitting a apparel can ascertain someone’s absolute nature. As admitting our attributes is agnate to our sexuality. As admitting we can alone be authentic by the false-dichotomy of the abstinent and the whore.
I apperceive some will apprehend this and abide to admonish that as a assignment function, there is a accustomed of bashfulness that charge be met, and that some bodies charge be alleged out. But labeling a woman “trashy” says abundant added about us than it does about her –regardless of her dress best for one evening. Actuality absolute about what addition woman is wearing, or artlessly abnegation from criticizing her tells that woman she’s accurate and accustomed as she is. That she is enough. It would be best if we could see above what a woman looks like (to adjudicator her not by her gown, but by the agreeable of her appearance so-to-speak), but that may be too abundant to ask of our association at this choice in history.
What’s not too abundant to ask, I think, is that as women we behave inclusively. That we basis for anniversary other. That we be on anniversary other’s team. We don’t accept to adulation every clothes out there — I’m abiding there are lots of bodies who haven’t admired my staid, boring, atramentous dresses over the years — but we can calmly burden from acumen because a clothes is not to our taste. Afterwards all, back women abutment anniversary added amazing things happen.
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